By Melissa Walsh

Picture it: age 50-plus guys, some who've played hockey together since childhood, enjoying some "pops" following a tournament or league game. They're sharing stories of battles won or lost, a history of hockey tales ranging a timespan from over 40 years ago to an hour ago. They're laughing, smiling, joking. As they celebrate the game and endure aching knees, hips, shoulders, or backs, they feel a healing, magical energy derived only from competing hard as part of a hockey fraternity.

I began playing hockey in my early 40s, and as a result have felt incredibly energized, empowered, and youthful. For me, taking up the game relatively late in life was like a rebirth. I gained a new chance to grow skills and to compete, striving to become a hockey star. I've been blessed with fresh dreams and vibrant fun with my teammates and the wonderful senior women's hockey sisterhood.

As I witness my sons' enjoyment of the hockey game and its inherent will-to-win challenge, I fully understand the worth of playing the game at any level and at any age ~ the value of playing hockey is priceless. The end of my "investment" of time and money in my sons' youth-hockey journey is not landing a scholarship or pursuing a pro playing career; it is the chance to be forever young.

As my boyfriend's number-one fan, I've had the pleasure of being a spectator at Over-50 Tier-1 Senior Men's competitions, including the CARHA World Cup and the USA Hockey Senior Men's Nationals. Impressive. These seasoned men skate like early twenty-somethings, with sophisticated skills of hands and feet, sharp hockey-sense instincts, and effective man strength. They lose thirty years stepping onto the ice. And though their bodies may ache after each game, the ice preserves youth in their hearts.
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So there it is, the secret to staying young at heart. Play hockey. Keep playing. And don't let anyone tear the sweater off your back.

​© 2013 Melissa Walsh

By Melissa Walsh

Don't read too much into your Mite team's season record. At this highly developmental, early level, the reality of many wins for one team and many losses for another is just the way the blue puck bounces.

So your Mite's team won just about every game...

You experienced a season that's out of the ordinary in youth hockey - one that actually falls short of the ideal. According to USA Hockey, Mite teams in a healthy league ideally win or lose between 30 to 70 percent of games.

In rink society, moms who've been through an all-win Mite season have felt the peculiar social ramifications of a winning record. It can be lonely at the top of Mite hockey - the murmurings that your Mite team is loaded, that the coaching is too intense, that your team is too physical, etc. There are the dirty looks from opposing-team parents when you stand and cheer for your team's fourth or fifth goal of the first period. 

The rink gossip allegations could be entirely unfounded. Your Mite team may be showing excellent sportsmanship, and your coaches may be absolutely brilliant in their instruction of 7- and 8-year olds. If that's the case, then just enjoy victory and your child's experience of youth hockey glory while you can.

Or the situation could be that beneath the surface of final-buzzer victory - the triumphant hoisting up of the sticks, tossing of the gloves, and hugging of the goalie - your champion Mite team's season journey was far from ideal.

Poor winning Mite team dynamics can be fueled by a head coach operating with a win-at-all-costs mentality  - for example, rolling only two lines instead of developing the whole bench. Though being selective in who gets ice time may be appropriate on occasion for higher-level youth teams, not playing the entire Mite roster evenly is inappropriate because this early level is so skills-centric and highly developmental.

Back in 2006, USA Hockey's Ken Martel said in USA Hockey Magazine, "At all levels, if you don't develop your bench you are in trouble - you won't be the team that you should be." A coach not only develops each player individually by rolling the entire bench, he develops the team dynamic, which is critical to long-term team development.

Ideally, Mites - win or lose - are developing a love for the sport. A sense of fraternity is important to this end. The whole team ought to own game results together. To develop the game skills and confidence that can't be nurtured in practices, each Mite needs opportunities to maneuver in pressure situations. If a Mite goalie is not breaking a sweat in net because his team is in the offensive zone for most of the game, he's not developing.

Still, Mom, wear your spirit scarf with pride, but for the sake of rink etiquette cheer a little more gently with an all-win record, and remember that a winning season is just one season of glory in the great youth hockey journey. Next season, your team might lose some games and have an even better season!

So your Mite's team lost just about every game...

Clearly, losing every game falls short of the ideal season, but don't lose heart. Sure, losing stinks, but it is possible to make a losing season a good experience for long-term hockey development.

Chances are that Mites on a team tallying many losses are continuing to hone their game as well as growing tougher skin. As long as the adults - coaches and parents - are handling the losses well, the kids are still developing their love for hockey.

If the coaches and parents are encouraging the Mites rather than berating them and instructing rather than criticizing, they're promoting a good Mite hockey experience despite the losses. If the coach is developing the entire bench and treating each Mite with kindness and respect, then he is fostering team fraternity. And remember, all that the coach can do is teach from a healthy store of knowledge and patience. The rest is up to the kids.

A losing Mite season won't in itself scar a player or stigmatize a team, but ugly coaching and dumb hockey-parenting will. 

So treat improvement as a win. Consider the possibility that they didn't lose, they just ran out of time. If your team narrows a scoring gap from the last time it faced an opponent, then chalk it up as one for team development. In other words, if you team beat its spread, rejoice in the successful effort. What's more, your goalies probably became quite skilled in handling pressure in the net. Be sure to tally and acknowledge the saves.

Encouragement will put a smile on their little Mite faces and urge them to keep working hard. More important, they'll learn that youth hockey is about fun and learning the game over performance. Remind yourself and your Mite that stats are poor indicators of the skills and friendships being built.

So wear your Mite's team swag proudly and never stop believing that your Mites will be winners in developing a love for playing hockey. Because in hockey, heart matters a whole lot.

 ​© 2013 Melissa Walsh

By Melissa Walsh
“There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life.” ~Frederico Fellini

Without passion there would be no hockey. Players do not pursue hockey as a life activity without having evolved a passion, a true love, for the game.

So the way to the heart of the hockey player is identifying with his, or her, love for the hockey game. If your Valentine is a hockey player, show your love by appreciating the hockey game with these simple LOVE steps:

L - Learn about the hockey game.
To the rookie observer, it may look like hockey players are just scrambling wildly after a puck, but the game is really more controlled than it seems. There are rules for organizing the chaos. To share the experience of watching a game with your hockey-playing sweetheart, learn what “offsides” and “icing” are. Learn the ref calls. The “Spectator Mom” section of The Rookie Hockey Mom offers a complete explanation of game rules and ref signals.

O - Open up to the culture of the hockey game.
Hockey is not just a game; it’s a lifestyle. Grow an appreciation of what hockey has meant to your hockey player in developing character and building friendships. Understand your player’s desire to play regularly in the beer league or weekly drop-in and the joy of hanging out with teammates in the room after the game. Like yoga or weight-training, or even meditation, playing hockey is a way to cope with and recover from the stresses of life. Playing hockey not only hones physical strength and mental toughness, it provides community for life’s ups and downs.

V - Value the player’s passion for playing the hockey game.
Passion and struggle go hand in hand, and this intertwining of passion and struggle is the experience of the hockey game. It is the drive to play better each game, each shift. The will to win is the hero’s battle for the hockey player.

E - Encourage the player in evolving skills for competing in the hockey game.
Striving to get better at something is good for the soul. And as physical demanding an activity as playing hockey is, the drive to play better keeps a player feeling young at heart and physically strong. If your player is excited about achieving a points lead or an impressive plus/minus average, celebrate with him, or her.
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Enjoy the LOVE of hockey with your player this Valentine’s Day.

​© 2013 Melissa Walsh

By Melissa Walsh

February is “Hockey is for Everyone” (HIFE) month, celebrating what makes hockey a wonderful sport for so many -- the joy of knowing community in the hockey club and the empowerment of playing the hockey game. From Mini Mites getting fitted for their first pair of skates to middle-aged women shooting a puck for the first time, anyone who commits him- or herself to giving hockey a try learns quickly how exhilarating hockey feels. Overcoming the fear of getting started initiates a person into hockey-playing society, a special camaraderie that those who have never been on the players’ side of the glass can not fully understand. Only hockey players know the sound of blades scraping the ice, the echo of the puck careening off the boards, the wind in the face while rushing with the flow of the play, the adrenaline surge felt during that third-period second wind, and the fraternity/sorority experienced in the room and on the bench.

The hockey-playing experience is something special and should be available for anyone who wants it. This is one reason why I’m a fan of Disabled Hockey programs. Another reason is that Disabled Hockey offers observers entertainment in witnessing incredible skill presented on the ice and inspiration in triumphant player stories.

Not only do Disabled Hockey programs pursue the goal of everyone getting the opportunity to play, they exhibit so vividly and profoundly the heart of the hockey player and the spirit of the game. Below are six truths about hockey that Disabled Hockey reveals so well:

1- Hockey is for everyBODY.
There are four categories of Disabled Hockey: Standing/Amputee Hockey, Sled Hockey (called “Sledge Hockey” outside the United States), Deaf/Hard of Hearing Hockey, and Special Hockey.

For many who suffer a life-changing event resulting in loss of limbs or use of limbs, they may pursue playing hockey via Sled Hockey and Standing/Amputee Hockey. In fact, Sled Hockey was first developed in Stolckholm, Sweden, in the early 1960s by lovers of the game, who despite losing use of their legs, wanted to continue playing hockey. The rules are the same; just the equipment is different. In Standing/Amputee Hockey, players use prostheses for stickhandling or skating. In Sled Hockey, special sleds and sticks are designed for the sport. The “bench” area is usually on the ice, as most rink benches are not accessible by sled. A national Sled Hockey team competes in the Paralympics.

In Deaf/Hard of Hearing Hockey, the rules are the same. The difference is that the practice and game environments are customized to meet the needs of players diagnosed with hearing loss. For example, sign language interpreters may be present to assist. Some Deaf/Hard of Hearing Hockey players play for a local association or school team, in addition to a Deaf/Hard of Hearing Hockey team. USA Hockey enters a team in the Deaflympics.

Special Hockey programs are designed for players with developmental disabilities. The rules are different in that there are no offsides and icing infractions or penalties called. There are no tryouts and usually no separate age groups. However, some players may participate in a local association team or school team, in addition to a Special Hockey team.

2- There is only one requirement to play hockey: to love the game.
Every hockey player must pursue his or her own desire to play. Therefore, the most fundamental requirement for playing hockey is simply to want to play hockey purely for the fun of the game, for teamwork, and for making friends. EveryBODY who loves the game should have the chance to play the game, and Disabled Hockey demonstrates that if you build a program to meet players’ needs, you will attract great lovers of this great sport.

3- There is only one goal of the hockey player: to give their best effort.
The American Special Hockey Association has a great tagline: “Where every player is a star.” What is a hockey star? A hockey player playing his or her best every game, every shift, every moment on the ice. This character strength, this work ethic, carries into life off the ice. Being a “hockey star” hones perseverance, mental and physical toughness, and sense of team in all aspects of life.

4- All hockey players have hockey skills.
With practice and continual pursuit of playing their best every game, all hockey players evolve hockey skills. If you’ve ever seen a Sled Hockey competition, you know what I mean. Sled Hockey players develop amazing skills in dribbling the puck under the sled, in maneuvering the sled to gain zone or rub out an opponent to win a battle, in saucing passes to teammates on the move, etc. It’s excellent hockey in entertainment value.

5- Playing hockey is empowering.
Overcoming the fear of getting started playing hockey and then progressing in evolving skills with practice and competition is one of the most empowering experiences anyone can have. Building relationships with teammates, and even opponents, is a mighty force for significant friendship. And competing with a triumphant will-to-win determination is a power that prevails in a player’s life.

6- Playing hockey is a joyful pursuit for anyBODY.
Playing hockey is fun. Memories of special games endure in stories told and photos framed. Support from teammates during life’s ups and downs is close; encouragement is sincere. A smile from a coach may cure a tinge of self-doubt; laughs in the room or on the bus or bench heal the soul. Winning the cup -- priceless.
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Link to USA Hockey Disabled Hockey Webpage
Link to the American Special Hockey Website
Link about this year’s HIFE activities during Hockey Weekend Across America
“Hockey Day in Canada” is Feb. 9. “Hockey Day in America” is Feb. 15-17.

​© 2013 Melissa Walsh

By Melissa Walsh

To understand hockey, you have to be aware of the core reason driving any hockey player at any level to choose to play hockey: it’s the love of the game. Whether a player is a mite, a pro player, or a beer leaguer, he won’t play, I mean really play with the will to win, unless he has within him a dynamic passion for playing his best, a joy of being a hockey player. Good hockey parents are aware of this overarching hockey truth, which motivates their approach to hockey parenting. Good hockey parents know that only one thing fuels a kid to play hockey to his or her best ability -- a self-driven and self-nourished love for the game.
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Below are ten more things good hockey parents know about hockey:

1. Playing hockey is difficult.
The most efficient means of becoming a good hockey parent is simple: play hockey. Not only is playing hockey the best way to appreciate the difficulty of moving a puck with a stick on ice as fast as you can through traffic; it is the only way to feel the joy of being a hockey player.

2. The kids can’t hear you from behind the glass, and shouldn’t anyway.
Cheering is friendly white noise in a rink, but screaming is not. It’s just annoying for the people nearby. Most glass-lickers give themselves away as not knowing much about hockey. And even if they do know something, they don’t know what the coach is specifically instructing to develop his team and compete.

3. You gotta lose to know how to win.
As Steven Tyler sings in “Dream On,” it’s true that losing teaches skills for winning. Losing grows humility and strength in character and allows adults to model and encourage the benefits of perseverance and hard work to kids. Losing also creates a baseline for a coach to use as a measurement for development. For example, if at the beginning of a season, a team loses to a more highly skilled team by six goals, but ties the same team later in the season, the coach has a metric to gauge how his team is developing.

4. Good refs “manage” the game, not necessarily call everything.
The on-ice officials don’t call every penalty and infraction. It’s impossible to call everything, and it’s not even ideal for an official to blow the whistle for everything that may sort of resemble an offense. The game is just too fast. Good refs manage the game by protecting the flow of the game while ensuring the game is not being played recklessly. This officiating finesse becomes increasingly more important up the youth hockey levels. Bantam and Midget games are played so fast, so tenaciously, and fueled primarily by testosterone surges. Good refs at these levels apply wisdom in making calls to avoid fighting and overly aggressive tactics, for example, by sending opposing players to the box with offset roughing calls, giving them time to cool down.

5. There are no shortcuts to becoming an elite hockey player.
Nepotism might get your kid a spot on an elite team for a season or two, but it won’t make him an elite athlete. Only self-driven hard work and determination will sustain a kid with some God-given strength and talent at an elite level of hockey. Forcing a kid to take 500 shots in the garage every night won’t do it either. A player’s regimen of working on his strength and skills outside team practice must be his idea. He has to want to become an elite hockey player on his own. Parents can only encourage and applaud his effort, not drive it.

6. Team momentum requires a team dynamic.
Any coach will tell you that without the ingredient of fraternity, or sorority for girls, teams do not experience team success. There must be a bond among the players. They must play for each other, supporting each other. Good hockey parents don’t encourage or contribute to gossip or criticism of their son’s or daughter’s teammates. And they do what they can to support a climate of friendship among the players in the room and the parents in the lobby.

7. The kids will remember a good coach, not a team’s season rankings.
Good hockey parents are more concerned with finding their youth player a good coach than landing him on a highly ranked team. Good coaches are not necessarily the winningest coaches, especially among the little-kid ranks of Mites and Squirts. Good hockey development requires good habits. And game-winning tactics, like a consistent dump-and-chase approach, are not the same as good hockey habits, like growing a confidence to try to dangle the puck through traffic or feed a pass to a teammate under pressure.

8. There is a language known as hockey speak.
“Headman” is verb. “Sauce” does not come in a can or jar. Good hockey parents are proficient in hockey speak.

9. Hockey has a code, and it’s good.
School has a code. Hockey has a code. Good hockey parents teach their kids that these codes are both good, yet different. They instruct their kids not to mix the two codes up, and they stress that the hockey code carries over into adulthood.

10. Each youth hockey player must own his or her hockey experience.
The youth hockey experience is a gift to kids given to them by their parents. There is no ROI for a hockey parent other than knowing that their kid is enjoying hockey and growing a love for the game that will likely last a lifetime.

​© 2013 Melissa Walsh