By Melissa Walsh
During the long road trip back from a lacrosse tournament recently, my 16-year old son and I were chatting about hockey. We were talking about how much we love playing hockey. Before he began playing lacrosse, he had been a hockey guy. He still is — a goalie. All four of my sons have been on skates since age three. I didn’t start lacing ‘em up until much later in life. Me: “When you guys were little and I hadn’t started playing yet, I wondered if you ever got tired of playing hockey. I also wondered if the pros got sick of being on the ice so much. But now I get it. You don’t get tired of it. I could play hockey every day and be very happy.” My son: “Really, you could? I think I could play every day, too.” Me: “You know why I could play every day and love it.” My son: “Why?” Me: “Because when I play hockey, I’m completely away from all of the stress and problems of my life. One hundred percent. It is the one activity I do when I absolutely do not think of any of my problems and worries at all. Not on the ice. Not on the bench. Not in the room with my team mates.” My son: “Yeah. Me, too.” Me: “That’s what makes playing hockey so important.” Then I encouraged my son to keep playing hockey throughout his life. College. Beer leagues. Whatever. “As long as playing hockey is in your life, you won’t get old,” I told him. “It’s the fountain of youth.” My son nodded. I continued to drive on thinking about what I had just said about what playing hockey means for me in my life. Isn’t that how the game should feel for kids, too? Completely worry-free. Problem-free. Pure joy and all fun all the time — on the ice, on the bench, in the room. When parents make the youth hockey game about youth performance and not the pure fun of competing as part of a youth team, they’re introducing problems into the experience of playing hockey that would not develop organically among the kids. Even at “elite” youth hockey levels, the hockey game should always feel as pure as shinny with friends on a remote pond away from critical adult eyes and commentary. Always. This is to play the game “loose,” to play it creatively and dynamically; it’s playing for the love of the game and a healthy will to win. Glass-banging and critical commentary screamed through the glass taint the game with anxiety and insecurity streamed into the minds of the players. And wise youth hockey onlookers know that good hockey demands confidence among the players. In youth hockey coaching clinics, we coaches learn about how to let the game teach us. We watch our players play the game the way they know to play it in the moment; accordingly, we note what to teach or emphasize during the next practice. Game time is usually not the right time for overt instruction from coach … and never the right time from parents at the glass; the game is doing the teaching. Players win or they learn. This is why you will see many good youth coaches watching silently. During practices, these good youth coaches teach like crazy; they instruct, demonstrate, and engage with positive reinforcement continually, not leaning on the stick just watching. Parents should know what it is for a kid to be in the game, keeping in mind that for the players the game is the great escape into a special experience owned by the players and understanding that the game itself is the best teaching tool. So, hockey parents, don’t interfere with that. Don’t crash the players’ game experience with your will of what you desire the game to be for you. Apart from cheering for all sweet goals and all great saves, keep your mouth shut and hands down during the game. Keep the game pure and worry-free for the players. © 2015 Melissa Walsh
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By Melissa Walsh
Ask your kid, or any hockey kid, why he/she likes, or loves, playing hockey. Now first keep in mind that there are kids who just "like" playing hockey; and there are kids who totally "love" playing hockey. There are kids who play hockey as a pastime; then there are kids who are hockey players in the core of their being, who view themselves as hockey players. For these kids, hockey is an organically grown passion, not amusing recreation planted by mom and dad. I would wager that the responses to this question would be similar among all hockey kids, whether they like or love playing hockey. Chances are -- and this is just my educated guess as a hockey mom, youth coach, and rec (beer-league) player -- that every kid would say something to this effect: "I like/love playing hockey because it's fun." When asked to elaborate about the "fun" aspect, every kid would add something like, "It's fun because I play with my friends." No kid is going to say, "I love hockey because I might get a college scholarship." Or "I love hockey because I want to be an elite player and I want to undertake the grueling path of becoming a top draft pick, giving up most of my social life as a teenager." There were 160,618 USA Hockey-registered adult players for the 2012-13 season, an increase of about 5,000 from the previous season (stats for 2013-14 not yet released). Hockey Canada cites over 40,000 registered adult recreational hockey players. Just like the kids, adult hockey players play hockey to have fun with friends. It's also an awesome workout. And there's beer-drinking and chatting in the dressing room after, the hallowed place of hockey teams. Whether an adult plays elite pro hockey or in a beer league, the motivation to continue to play is the same. All play for the love of the game and camaraderie of the club. If an NHLer loses the love for playing the game he loved as a kid, it will be tough for him to do what's required to stay on that elite roster. Even as a fanatical lover of the game, it's strenuous to stay on the roster. If he continues to love playing even after retirement from pro hockey, he'll end up playing where so many of his childhood hockey-playing buddies ended up - in the beer leagues. Or he'll join a regular drop-in with other A players or alumni club. Parents who think paying for youth hockey is an "investment" toward their kid's college tuition or career stardom would be better off putting the money in the bank to accrue interest. What a hockey parent buys her kid when submitting that ice payment is a fun, meaningful experience. There are also those priceless lessons in humility, work ethic, playing for team, and honing will-to-win instincts. Each hockey player, whether a kid or adult, must always own his/her hockey experience, not the person signing a check. Hockey parents support beer-league prospects, which is pretty darn special. It's the gift of hockey memories and the investment in fun and friendships that will last a lifetime. © 2015 Melissa Walsh
Then my girls taught me something important about the technique of teaching hockey and about the full range of characteristics of great hockey players. They showed me that any outstanding, mature hockey player, regardless of gender, plays with strong feminine characteristics, in addition to strong masculine characteristics. 
By Melissa Walsh
I approached coaching girls as I approached any role and responsibility. My life and career have not allowed me much space and opportunity to be “girlie,” as I’ve been raising four sons as a single mom. And much of my professional life has been as the only woman in the meeting room or on the shop floor. My day-to-day survival forced a feminist approach and demanded that I trade in my pumps for steel-toed boots and skirts for work pants and to forego ladies luncheons for quick bites between meetings and vehicle fit-ups. Responsible for the material needs of my family of five, I needed to do the work of a head of household and collect a head-of-household income. “I’m not interested in anyone treating me like a lady at work. I'm your coworker,” I’d tell work colleagues who apologized for cussing in front of a “lady." After many years of raising boys and two years of coaching a hockey team of boys (and one girl), I was asked last season to serve as the head coach of a 10U “girls’” hockey team. I accepted and understood the mission simply as a coach teaching hockey skills and concepts and nurturing a love for the game. I viewed gender as irrelevant in youth hockey. And all I knew about being a girl was that I was one a long time ago. Coaching girls was amazing. My players brought out the best of my girl power and they put the “pink” in hockey for me. Being a girl is powerful, and playing hockey is empowering; so the two combined form a formidable force. Yet still, when referees or coaches of boys teams we faced would refer to my players as “ladies,” I’d correct them. “They’re hockey players," I'd say, "not ladies.” I learned that the ideal hockey player is both feminine and masculine. Here’s how: My girls and their parents taught me early on practical techniques for managing a group of girls, that they require music in the room to be ready by the time the zamboni goes on and that they thrive on team cheers, songs, and shared dance moves. This was fun. It was the stuff of pink power culture, and it galvanized this group of strangers into sorority. So though I embraced the pink of our hockey team culture, I only knew to coach one way. I still approached teaching them skills and Xs and Os as I would to any young player, boy or girl. Then my girls taught me something important about the technique of teaching hockey and about the full range of characteristics of great hockey players. They showed me that any outstanding, mature hockey player, regardless of gender, plays with strong feminine characteristics, in addition to strong masculine characteristics. Reflecting back, I knew that little boys generally were less receptive to learning concepts from the white board. Their tendency was to jump into dynamic play, reacting in the moment with raw puck pursuit instincts and forgetting position and basic concepts to find teammates in open ice. Little girls, I noticed, generally absorbed fully what was presented on the white board and could execute drills and concepts exactly the way I taught them, even to a fault. My challenge on the game bench then was to encourage dynamic play and confidence in reading and reacting. By and large, the little girls could see the big picture and the whole ice. They wanted not only to learn play concepts, but also to understand why certain concepts should be employed and specifically for which situations. They wanted to have an assigned lane and to stay in it, despite what I encouraged for read-and-react forechecking. Most of the girls were prone to stay in position and look for a teammate in another lane to pass the puck to rather than jumping into the play and attacking. I observed that passing is naturally a big part of the “girls’” hockey game, even when they are little and just starting out. As they mature as hockey players, they add the dynamic play to their repertoire. For most little boys just starting out, I could see, it’s the reverse; they instinctively attack the play without looking for teammates. As they mature, they evolve team play and passing concepts to manage the rapid and hard-hitting chaos on the ice. I also realized that a few of the boy players I had coached during previous seasons presented stronger “feminine” hockey player traits at a young age, meaning they were naturally strategic team players and less dynamic in carrying the puck. And I could see that a couple of my girl players presented stronger “masculine” traits, meaning they were in-the-moment, instinctive and aggressive puck carriers. I concluded that the ideal hockey player, those participating in the highest levels of hockey, regardless of gender, are feminine and masculine in how they play the game. They are strategic, big-picture players, like girls, and they are dynamic, instinctive players, like boys. Does this make sense? For those of you who have coached both boys and girls, please comment. What have you noticed about gender and young players? © 2014 Melissa Walsh
By Melissa Walsh
The CBC biopic about hockey's great Howe Family. Mr Hockey: The Gordie Howe Story portrays the transition the Howes experienced following Gordie's retirement from the National Hockey League (NHL) and Detroit Red Wings, when he and sons Marty and Mark played together on the World Hockey Association (WHA)'s Houston Aeros. It's an incredible, stranger-than-fiction tale - one of hockey's many amazing true stories. The Aeros' Howe trio likely would not have played together if it weren't for the rink-cred savvy and support of wife/mom Colleen Howe, whom Gordie called the "best teammate" of his career. The late Mrs. Howe, as the film well portrays, was legendary as a hockey wife, mom, and agent. Over the years, I had read about this phase of the Howes' hockey journey in books written by and about the Howes and in The Rebel League by Ed Willes. However, I didn't recall reading about Gordie's "first hockey coach." A scene at the end of Mr. Hockey presents so well what inspires any athlete to compete. It's love of the game. (Here is a link to audio of this scene.) In the room before the final game of the WHA championship series, which the Aeros swept, Gordie Howe makes a short speech. He credits the teacher he had at eight years old - Mrs. Crawford - as being his "first hockey coach." "She taught me the first rule of hockey," he says. "She said, 'Gordie, if you're not gonna have a good time out there, there's no point in playing the hockey.'" Whether this scene is true to real life remains for me to verify. To that end, I sent an inquiry to the Howe family about the validity of this scene. Nonetheless, the scene is beautiful. It reflects the power of teaching, the power of nurturing a child's confidence in pursuing what he or she loves to do. Accordingly, Gordie Howe, aka "Mr. Hockey," - a man regarded as the greatest hockey player of all time - acknowledged his school teacher as having been a critical influence in him realizing his purpose. That is power. It's responsibility. Teachers, coaches, and parents are responsible for nurturing passion and supporting the dreams of the children in their care. As teachers, coaches, and parents, meeting this responsibility is paramount to our personal goals and ambitions. When we fall short of meeting this responsibility, by being either critical naysayers or overzealous overlords of a child's vision of purpose for his or her life, then we fail our mission, neglect our privilege, of teaching and leading. This week is Teacher Appreciation Week. Looking back, who is a teacher you appreciate? And why? Mine is a long-term substitute teacher I had in fifth grade who told me, "Melissa, you have a special talent for expressing yourself in writing." I was a shy kid, who struggled to communicate in the classroom, on the playground, and even among family. I enjoyed writing and frequently had my nose in a book; so for me, this teacher opened my pathway to purpose. I will remember and appreciate her as long as I live.
A scene from Mr. Hockey: The Gordie Howe Story:
HEY, FELLAS? UM...NOW, YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE TO MAKE DRESSING ROOM SPEECHES, MOSTLY 'CAUSE I'M PRETTY BAD AT THEM. THERE'S A FEW WORDS I'D LIKE TO SAY TO ALL OF YOU. UM, WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD, GROWING UP IN SASKATCHEWAN, I HAD A SCHOOLTEACHER, THE VERY FIRST HOCKEY COACH I EVER HAD. HER NAME WAS MRS. CRAWFORD. WAS SHE HOT? [CACKLES] UH, I WOULD SAY NOT, SMOKEY, BUT, UH, BUT SHE WAS REAL GOOD TO ME, AND SHE TAUGHT ME THE VERY FIRST RULE OF HOCKEY. SHE SAID, UH, "GORDIE, IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME OUT THERE, THERE'S NO POINT IN PLAYING THE HOCKEY." A GOOD TIME. I HAD A REAL GOOD TIME PLAYING HOCKEY WITH YOU FELLAS THIS YEAR. THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD PLAYING THE GAME. SO I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL. THIS YEAR WAS SPECIAL. NOW, TO MAKE SURE I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN, LET'S GO WIN A CUP.
By Melissa Walsh
It's that time of year when millions of moms make the resolution of working out to get into sexy shape in time for bathing-suit weather. I have the solution. And It's not joining a gym. It's hitting the ice and playing hockey - the best calorie-burner and buns-of-steel work out of all time, which also doubles as a girls' night out. Playing hockey is clearly the most fun way to develop sexy muscle while having fun acting like a kid with girlfriends. And though the hockey pants may give the illusion of a fat or big butt, the reality is that under the hockey pants is lean hockey muscle that looks fabulous in a bathing suit. Before I began playing hockey four years ago, my workouts of cardio and lifting weights required determined, Melissa-get-moving, just-do-it self-discipline and the motivation that can only come from hard rock music pounding into my brain through headphones. Now I just go out and play with friends to get an awesome workout. I happily head off to my fountain of youth - the ice rink - and play hockey with and against my girlfriends. Though I play three to five times a week, I wish I could do it more. Everyday would be great. My hockey friends are collectively the most interesting and nicest group of ladies I've ever been around. I've found them to be much kinder and way more cool than the PTA and Bible Study ladies. Just saying… So I urge my hockey mom readers out there to give hockey a try as a way to get in shape. If you can skate a bit, go get yourself some hockey equipment and join a women's hockey club. You may even consider joining a low-level co-ed league. If you have never skated, no problem. You can learn. It's a fun challenge, like picking up golf. You'll get the hang of it if you stick with it long enough. There are many adult learn-to-skate classes out there. Trust me. If you enjoy watching hockey, you'll enjoy playing it more. And you'll rejoice in the benefits of fun with friends and sexy muscle. You'll acquire new camaraderie and new confidence, looking fantastic in your yoga pants and jeans. Follow my advice … one day, you'll find yourself in "the room" with your friends following a game, telling jokes, bitching about the refs and sipping on your 111-calorie Blue Light while looking at your calorie watch displaying that you burned 825 calories in an hour. Then you'll think, "I'm sooooo glad I decided to play hockey. It's awesome!" |
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