Feminine & Masculine Powers & the Ideal Hockey Player

Then my girls taught me something important about the technique of teaching hockey and about the full range of characteristics of great hockey players. They showed me that any outstanding, mature hockey player, regardless of gender, plays with strong feminine characteristics, in addition to strong masculine characteristics. 

By Melissa Walsh

I approached coaching girls as I approached any role and responsibility. My life and career have not allowed me much space and opportunity to be “girlie,” as I’ve been raising four sons as a single mom. And much of my professional life has been as the only woman in the meeting room or on the shop floor.

My day-to-day survival forced a feminist approach and demanded that I trade in my pumps for steel-toed boots and skirts for work pants and to forego ladies luncheons for quick bites between meetings and vehicle fit-ups. Responsible for the material needs of my family of five, I needed to do the work of a head of household and collect a head-of-household income. “I’m not interested in anyone treating me like a lady at work. I'm your coworker,” I’d tell work colleagues who apologized for cussing in front of a “lady." 

After many years of raising boys and two years of coaching a hockey team of boys (and one girl), I was asked last season to serve as the head coach of a 10U “girls’” hockey team. I accepted and understood the mission simply as a coach teaching hockey skills and concepts and nurturing a love for the game. I viewed gender as irrelevant in youth hockey. And all I knew about being a girl was that I was one a long time ago.

Coaching girls was amazing. My players brought out the best of my girl power and they put the “pink” in hockey for me. Being a girl is powerful, and playing hockey is empowering; so the two combined form a formidable force. Yet still, when referees or coaches of boys teams we faced would refer to my players as “ladies,” I’d correct them. “They’re hockey players," I'd say, "not ladies.”

I learned that the ideal hockey player is both feminine and masculine. Here’s how:

My girls and their parents taught me early on practical techniques for managing a group of girls, that they require music in the room to be ready by the time the zamboni goes on and that they thrive on team cheers, songs, and shared dance moves. This was fun. It was the stuff of pink power culture, and it galvanized this group of strangers into sorority. So though I embraced the pink of our hockey team culture, I only knew to coach one way. I still approached teaching them skills and Xs and Os as I would to any young player, boy or girl.

Then my girls taught me something important about the technique of teaching hockey and about the full range of characteristics of great hockey players. They showed me that any outstanding, mature hockey player, regardless of gender, plays with strong feminine characteristics, in addition to strong masculine characteristics. 

Reflecting back, I knew that little boys generally were less receptive to learning concepts from the white board. Their tendency was to jump into dynamic play, reacting in the moment with raw puck pursuit instincts and forgetting position and basic concepts to find teammates in open ice. 

Little girls, I noticed, generally absorbed fully what was presented on the white board and could execute drills and concepts exactly the way I taught them, even to a fault. My challenge on the game bench then was to encourage dynamic play and confidence in reading and reacting. By and large, the little girls could see the big picture and the whole ice. They wanted not only to learn play concepts, but also to understand why certain concepts should be employed and specifically for which situations. They wanted to have an assigned lane and to stay in it, despite what I encouraged for read-and-react forechecking. Most of the girls were prone to stay in position and look for a teammate in another lane to pass the puck to rather than jumping into the play and attacking.

I observed that passing is naturally a big part of the “girls’” hockey game, even when they are little and just starting out. As they mature as hockey players, they add the dynamic play to their repertoire. For most little boys just starting out, I could see, it’s the reverse; they instinctively attack the play without looking for teammates. As they mature, they evolve team play and passing concepts to manage the rapid and hard-hitting chaos on the ice.

I also realized that a few of the boy players I had coached during previous seasons presented stronger “feminine” hockey player traits at a young age, meaning they were naturally strategic team players and less dynamic in carrying the puck. And I could see that a couple of my girl players presented stronger “masculine” traits, meaning they were in-the-moment, instinctive and aggressive puck carriers.

I concluded that the ideal hockey player, those participating in the highest levels of hockey, regardless of gender, are feminine and masculine in how they play the game. They are strategic, big-picture players, like girls, and they are dynamic, instinctive players, like boys.

Does this make sense? For those of you who have coached both boys and girls, please comment. What have you noticed about gender and young players?

​© 2014 Melissa Walsh

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